Refocusing

During pregnancy I had a lot of ideas about how things with the kiddo were going to be. I was me. I was going to be the 1%. And here we are, 13 weeks post partum and seriously, I am not the 1%. I am letting things go left and right. Let’s start with exercise…

I was going to crush this. Six weeks and I was going to lace up those running shoes and put in those five a.m. miles. For real? Thanks to the removal of our beloved bambino through my uterus, it was eight painful weeks before I could even think about running shoes. Setback. And now, thirteen weeks into it, five a.m.? Do you know what happens at five a.m. in my house? If Owen is sleeping, I’m sleeping, because likely I recently woke up to feed the little one. Or he’s marathon sleeping and because I haven’t fed him in a while, I would need to wake him up to eat or pump before engaging in any sort of athletic endeavor. There’s only so much you can ask from the Champion sports bra I got on the clearance rack at Target because it was hot pink. Jon is getting up so he can shower, pack his lunch, and walk three dogs before getting to work at 7:00 a.m.

So where does that leave me? Do I feel like a failure? Not even a little. It leaves me reassessing what’s really possible at this stage in the game knowing that it will change. And knowing that I only have a little time when he needs me this much. I have the rest of my life to run. But running keeps me from becoming a slothly lunatic, so here’s the plan: get at least two runs in a week… Even if they’re short. Try hard for three. Fill in with at home strength training. I think that’s what Pinterest is for right? Finding sweet work outs you can do with hand weights and a yoga ball? Oh, and insanely cute baked goods you’ll NEVER make correctly. Truffles? Really? Mine looked like chocolate blobs drizzled with Hershey syrup. But back to the plan, which doesn’t include truffles… Yoga ball strength training and running when I can.

Which brings me to the other thing I spend a lot of time doing… work. I wasn’t so sure about crushing work, and I’m sure I’m not. I just realized I have to put together two separate trainings, hire a bunch of interns and finish a boat load of projects all in the next two weeks. But this is my summer of Zen. I can only do what I can do. I’m not going to stress about it, I’m going to say no to people, I’m going after low hanging fruit, and I’m picking my battles. Because my energy and attention is now very divided. In order to be good at both things, I have to scale back—be honest about what’s possible for one person to achieve. I say, “sure, whatever you’d like” a lot more these days. In previous years I would have viewed that as a loss. Not standing my ground, giving up, selling my soul, but now I just want to see things happen in 8-9 hours. If being agreeable means that I get home on time to feed the little munchkin, then, you know, there’s often many paths to the same end. And I’m just trying to get to that end. That means I have done my job. And it’s hard to do your job well, take care of your child well, not neglect your dogs, and still find time to occasionally unload the dishwasher.

So you adjust how you do all of those things. Okay, maybe not the dishwasher part. There’s really only one way to do that. I have chosen to put most of my energy into the tiny human. That leaves less for workouts and work. But that’s okay. It’s only for a little while. Both of those things will be waiting for me when I’m ready to train for that half marathon again, or focus on upward mobility. For now, I’ll be psyched for whatever time I have to run, I’ll manage my job in a less stressful way, and love every minute the little man is sleeping on my lap.