The Sibling Dilemma

There has been a lot of new normal in the last eight months. A lot of adjusting. But some things never change. I wasn’t really a great sleeper before Owen and here I am, at one thirty in the morning, writing a blog entry. Owen is sound asleep. Argh. I was thinking this week about all of the things you go through as a new parent. How quickly it goes. And how everyone says you’ll want to do it all again.

Hmmmm. I look at our child everyday and so enjoy being a mom. I love watching him grow. A part of me is also, of course, sad that he’s growing so fast. How do you reconcile all that? I don’t want him to be eight weeks old again. That was rough. But at the same time, I know this will all go by so fast.

And so there’s the sibling dilemma. I’m almost thirty five. Within the next couple of years we’ll need to make that decision. But man, I struggle with it. I’m happy with our little man. We can manage this chaos. Am I underestimating us? I’ve heard that things are harder with two… Things like getting out, exercising, walking dogs, paying for day care. That sounds stressful. My friends with multiple kids complain a lot. I need to get out to be happy. I know that about myself. And a fit mom is a happy mom. A happy mom is a good mom. I worry that I won’t be the best mom to two kids. That I can dedicate more of myself to one kid. But by trying to be a good mom, am I depriving my kid of something fundamental? Having siblings? Am I still too close to it all? Does this decision get easier with time? Or am I truly wired to need that time that is possible with only one kid, but a luxury with two or more? Is that selfish? Is it selfish to want to be a good mom to the kid with which you were blessed, yet still have time to do the things that make you you? The things that make you a good mom? I don’t know. I don’t have any of these answers. I’m frequently asked if we’re having another (which, seriously, right now, makes me want to smack them…. I just got back to a normal size!) and I awkwardly dance around the question. I think it’s a rude and invasive question. Why? Because we all know that there’s a stigma and a judgement if I say no. My kid will be weird. I’m selfish. My kid will be weird.

Really? I mean, research says otherwise. Only children share more, are more successful, are generally better educated, and are not psychopaths and weirdos, according to an article in Time magazine citing multiple studies. But I had siblings. I love having siblings. Although, my mom was a stay at home mom, didn’t have three dogs, and lived in a neighborhood with a yard and a garage for storing six bikes. Not that that matters a ton, but I can’t discount the fact that Jon and I both work full time, we do have three active dogs that deserve our attention, and we live in a tiny condo with no storage in a town where child care is $1000/month.

This stuff keeps me up at night. Which is stupid, right? We’ll make the right choice for us. And we’ll feel blessed and lucky for whatever the outcome is. Because we are lucky. We have a beautiful little man, three great dogs, a lovely, albeit tiny, condo walking distance from a gondola in a sweet mountain town, and I just got new running shoes because I ran holes into my old ones. That’s a win. Running so much you put holes in your shoes. Many miles with Owen in the chariot this summer. I love our jogs together. And with that, I’ll call it a night so that I can sleep. Rested moms are also good moms.

Owen and I at Bishop Creek